


Losing

by emda



Category: JYJ (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Sad Ending, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:15:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28775934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emda/pseuds/emda
Summary: Junsu suffers from loss of memory still Jaejoong keeps by his side hoping that Junsu will remember him at least one more time.
Relationships: Kim Jaejoong/Kim Junsu (JYJ)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Losing

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposting from Lj  
> This was posted on October 04, 2008 
> 
> The original post has pictures and lyrics that I won't be adding to this document. Pictures and lyrics can be seen here: https://emda.livejournal.com/23174.html#cutid1

Jaejoong set the light blue and white blanket on the green ground. The small bag was full with deliciously well cook picnic style meal for just two. Junsu ran to the swings laughing joyfully at the wind caressing his childish expression but not wiping it out. From time to time, Jaejoong check the where-about of his lover with just a few looks around the playground. When everything was set up nicely on the blanket Jaejoong took out of another bag and took a comic book out. He rests his back on the oak tree behind him.

Couple of minutes later Jaejoong heard a cry and his head snap where the noise came. Junsu was on the ground hugging his right knee, pain written in his face. In that same second Jaejoong was already beside Junsu caressing Junsu’s back and looking at Junsu’s knee. Jaejoong smile and Junsu pout. “It’s okay baby. Just a scratch nothing some antibiotic and a bandage can’t fix.” Junsu nod at Jaejoong and Jaejoong smile in return. “Can you walk?” Junsu try to stand up flinching a little but managing to stand up. Jaejoong help Junsu reach their spot and quickly went through the same bag where he took the comic book he was reading.

As Jaejoong promise Junsu, just a little antibiotic and a bandage did the job. “Now you are as new as before.” Junsu giggle and kiss softly Jaejoong’s cheek. “Now my jeans are in the trend.” Junsu said looking at his rip jeans. Jaejoong look at the jeans too and smile softly. “Yes Junsu-ah, now you are in style.” Junsu laugh and jump out of the blanket running again to the swings.

~~~~

After a while Jaejoong called Junsu to eat. Jaejoong laugh happily at his lover excited face after seeing all his favorite dishes spread in the blanket. Jaejoong push towards Junsu one of the dishes and handed him a pair of chopsticks. They eat in a happy and warm atmosphere. The clear sky as their roof and the green ground as their floor. Junsu arrange the plates to the side so he could lean into Jaejoong. Jaejoong was surprise at Junsu action but welcome the rare intimacy.

Junsu rests his head on Jaejoong shoulder as he ate slowly. Jaejoong kept reading his comic book now in his left hand and eating with his right hand. “Why does my heart beats in a funny way when I’m near you…” “Jaejoong.” “Right, right Jaejoong. Why does my heart beats in a funny way when I’m near you Jaejoong?” Jaejoong smile at Junsu before replying to him. “Maybe is love.” Junsu look at Jaejoong with curious eyes. “Love? What is love?” Jaejoong look around the playground thinking how to explain a concept so abstract to Junsu. “Look at that mom feeding that little girl.”

Junsu look at the direction Jaejoong was pointing out. A woman around his mid thirties was feeding a little girl dress in pink. “Well… that is love. When your mom calls asking if you are okay or if you need something, that Junsu, is love. When your brother comes to visit us and plays video games for more than a couple of hours that is love. When our friends come to eat a simple dinner and ask how was your day that is love.”

“So when you cook for me. Choose the clothes for me for the day. Take me to see movies. Talk to me about the things I don’t remember is because you love me?” Jaejoong smiles a watery smile and nod at Junsu. “Yes Junsu, I do all that and more because I love you.” Junsu smile at Jaejoong and snuggle closer to him. “Seems that my heart is in love with you but…” Junsu sigh and left the sentence unfinished. Jaejoong drop his comic book and wrap his arms around Junsu’s waist.

~~~~

They kept eating in silence enjoying each other presence. Junsu drop his chopsticks and drop his face down. Jaejoong tilt his head to the side trying to figure it out why the sudden change of mood of his lover. “Why…why can’t I remember you?” Junsu asks Jaejoong defeat running throw his voice. Jaejoong sigh and press a kiss on Junsu’s head. “Does it really matters?” Junsu shrug at the question still keeping his gaze to the ground.

“Is just not fair for you Jaejoong. You always have to remind me that I love you and that is so wrong. I’m the one that should be saying to you, reminding to you that I love you.” Jaejoong smile bitterly at Junsu’s comment “Well, not everything is as suppose to be Junsu and we have to deal with what we have.” Jaejoong tighten his hold on Junsu’s waist trying to reassuring him that he doesn’t mind that he is the one who remembers.

Junsu rests his head on Jaejoong shoulder and look at his lover. Jaejoong look at Junsu too and smile sweetly at him. “I love you and as long your heart remembers our love I’m the happiest man on the world.” Jaejoong laid his right hand over the spot where Junsu’s heart is and kiss softly Junsu’s temple. Junsu smile at the tender kiss then took the hand that was over where his heart is and kiss it softly. Junsu clutch at the feelings his heart was telling him to feel and forgot the questions and the blank spaces in his head. If Jaejoong is what his heart need and he is what Jaejoong needs then he can live without memories.

~~~~

When they arrive to their apartment Junsu excuse himself to take a shower. Jaejoong nod softly at Junsu. Jaejoong took the opportunity to hide himself in his special room. That room was prohibiting to Junsu by Jaejoong. There Jaejoong kept everything material that serve to remind him that Junsu really did love him. He closes the door with the lock and drops himself on the floor. Tears started to fall off of his eyes. His heart felt heavier than the past days. Every second was getting harder for Jaejoong. Every memory felt heavier, every question from Junsu stab him deeper. It wasn’t Junsu’s fault, it wasn’t Jaejoong’s fault. Life just screws them up.

Jaejoong turn on the TV and the DVD and played once again his last birthday party. That was the last day Junsu had his memory and the same day he lost it. They were all happy. Junsu was happy. Jaejoong was happy. The big birthday cake the read ‘Happy Birthday Joongie’ baked by Junsu. He remembers the late nights when he didn’t know where the hell Junsu was, thinking… dreading that Junsu found someone better than him.

All those late night Junsu was learning how to bake his birthday cake.

Jaejoong stare at the TV screen through his teary eyes. They were all gathering to sing him happy birthday. When they started to sing Jaejoong started to clap softly and sing to himself ‘happy birthday to me happy birth-h-hday-y-y-yy to-oo me ha-aa-ppy birthday…’. Tears started to take over and Jaejoong turn into a mess of muffle tears and soft gasps.

Jaejoong heard a soft knock on the door. “Jaejoong?” Junsu called him. Jaejoong wipe furiously with the back of his hands the stubborn tears and gasp to Junsu ‘in a minute’ reply.

Couple of minutes after Jaejoong heard another knock and what came after makes his heart stop beating.

“Joongie?”

Jaejoong heart started beating again and his tears started to spill again.

A knock. “Joongie?” 

Jaejoong heart sank deeper.

Knock. “Joongie… is that you? If is you please open the door. Joongie what’s wrong? Are you crying?”

And Jaejoong’s sanity was gone. Jaejoong yank the door open and threw himself on his lover arms. Junsu caress Jaejoong’s hair. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying Jaejoong?”

Jaejoong look at Junsu’s eyes and his tears started to fall more furiously now. Junsu shushes Jaejoong. Junsu glide himself and Jaejoong to the floor and started rocking Jaejoong back and forth.

“Jaejoong can I ask you a question.”

Jaejoong nod at Junsu.

“When is your birthday? I want to write it down so I won’t forget it. Maybe I can learn to bake a cake for your birthday.”

Jaejoong sank deeper and cried harder. Junsu look at Jaejoong feeling himself lost. Junsu didn’t know the reason of Jaejoong’s tears and that make him felt more helpless.

Junsu started to hum a song and look around the place. His eyes stop at the calendar in front of them and read the red letters. His eyes widen in shock. This was the day back 3 years ago when he lost his memories.

But today too…

Today…

Today was Jaejoong’s birthday.


End file.
